The featured image of this article is a pic of myself as a depiction of how confident I am…
I want to make it very clear that I am nowhere near perfect, my level of confidence is not yet 10/10 (getting there 🙂). The tips in this guide are based on my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I hope after you’ve read this guide, you’ll get something from it 🙂
If you have any comments, feel free to express down below.
If you search “How to be confident” / “How to be a badass” on Google, the results will include top tips such as:
- Stop caring about what others think of you
- Put yourself first
- Love yourself
- You do you
I won’t disagree that all these “top tips” are good ways to improve your self-confidence. However, it seems to me that no one really talks about how to do these things, how to develop a confident, assertive mindset i.e. how to stop caring about others’ opinions of you; how to love yourself, etc. Really, mindset is everything.
After 21 years living in this world and still learning every day, I think I’ve found my way(s), my mindset.
- Find your passion and work on it
This is probably the biggest tip I have. Once you’ve got this, you’ll find it much easier to follow other tips below.
One thing I’ve realized is that confidence does not come from within. It comes from your life experience: the things you’ve done, the events you’ve been through.
My initial step is to focus on yourself, find out what your interests are and work hard on them. I personally have an interest in creating content (photography, writing) and social media, therefore I have been an active member of my university’s student-led magazine and managing a travel photography account on Instagram. So if you spend time doing the things you’re passionate about, you are pleasing yourself. That’s the most important thing: make yourself happy.
The second effect of this first tip, is that if you work hard on your passion, you will eventually be skilled at it. And when you’re aware that you’re good at something, your self-worth is boosted.
And that is how you gain confidence.
I can guarantee 100% confident people are confident partly because they KNOW what they got. However, this is not to be confused with being cocky. Know what you got, be humble and be willing to learn more, that’s confidence.
I guess you could also argue that if other people know that you’re talented, you are then respected and it also increases your confidence. BUT, this doesn’t mean that you should do something that you think people will praise you for. Remember, do it because you’re genuinely interested in it, not because of others’ validation. It’s not about others, it’s about YOU.
It is best to start from this first tip. I believe your passion is the base of your happiness and your experience and skills are the foundation of your self-worth.
- Your opinion about yourself matters (the most)
Many people are always concerned about what others think of them, without considering how they actually perceive themselves.
One example of this second tip can be linked to courtship… (lol) I’m not a relationship expert but again, this guide is based on my experience J
People have asked me how I can approach someone I like without seeming desperate. The answer is, I don’t even know if I seem desperate to those I approach, but I don’t view myself as desperate and that’s all that matters. It’s about self-perspective.
In my culture, I have always been taught and reminded that as a girl, I should subtly throw hints and wait for the guy to make the move. This is widely accepted as women’s “common and appropriate way” of flirting. I don’t mind it. What I don’t like is that when a woman actively pursues the man she’s interested in, instead of being subtle, she is viewed as “needy” / “a whore”, while a man will be celebrated and praised if he chases after a woman. This is obviously double standard and, I ain’t about dat.
I look at everything equally. If a man can ask a woman out, a woman can also ask a man out (in a heterosexual context).
Some common questions my friends often ask me include:
“What if I make the move and he’s scared off?”
-> If he can’t handle a very simple situation in which he’s the one that’s being courted, which he should appreciate, then he’s not mature enough. Would you date someone immature?
“What if he’d rather women were passive and subtle during courtship?”
-> He seems pretty sexist. Would you date someone sexist?
One thing I’ve noticed is that people tend to think that once you’ve expressed your feelings to someone, you’ll become vulnerable to them, you’ll lose confidence, like you’re in a weaker position and emotionally dependent on them. This is true. However, there are ways you can still be confident in these situations. The way I look at it is that feelings are precious and should be appreciated. Feelings are not something that have been robbed or stolen therefore there’s no need for you to be ashamed once you’ve confessed. You should be proud of yourself that you have been able to tell someone how you feel. By telling them, you have let go of all your fears of how they might judge you, but instead you have prioritized your own feelings over their possible judgments. In situations that I have told someone about my feelings, I view myself as bravely staying true to my feelings, rather than being “desperate”, that’s what matters the most.
Another reason why some of my female friends hesitate in approaching a guy is that they are afraid of being rejected and that their self-esteem will be lowered. Well the truth is, no one in the world is going to succeed in everything they do in life. Don’t view rejections as embarrassments. You have to experience multiple failures before you reach victory. Your self-esteem should not be defined by your failures, but how you overcome them and learn from them.
If you fail, go back to the first tip, keep working on your passion, things that make you happy.
- “Fake it till you make it”
When you’re delivering a speech, or talking in a large group of people, you may not feel wholly confident but no one knows that except for yourself. So don’t let your ghosts frighten you and reveal your true emotions. Take a deep breath, smile, keep your head held high. That’s my tip in every social situation. And it works!
If you appear confident on the outside, the confidence and positivity will eventually spread inside you and you’ll find it easier to work your way out until you’re truly confident.
- Train your will and believe in yourself
People can disagree with your opinions and actions, and their disagreements may lower your confidence. I think people have their reasons but you also have yours. You don’t live anyone else’s lives, you live yours. Take time to evaluate every possible decision you might make until you have chosen the best option and stick with it. So linking this point to the second tip I’ve made in this guide, for my girls out there, even though everyone around you may think that you’re “desperate for pursuing a guy or even just talking to him” (so lame I know), as long as you are 100% sure of your decision and know that you’re a confident woman for doing what you do, you win.
This tip may be a bit more difficult to follow, and you might take more time with it. This is because your ability to evaluate situations lies in the depth and breadth of your experience. So let yourself experience different things, you’ll grow and become more and more confident in every decision you make.
As long as you have a strong will in what you do and believe in yourself, no one can sidetrack you and that’s when you know you are confident.
- Get inspirations
Surround yourself with people who are confident, assertive and empowering. Ask them how they do what they do, and do it in your own ways. You’ll eventually get inspired.
Save inspiring quotes about self-confidence in your phone, or stick them up in your room. A number of quotes that I find inspiring are:
“Life is too short for hesitation.”
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Those are my 5 tips to self-confidence. I have picked up these tips from the past years of my life and have mentioned these tips to my friends when we had conversations regarding self-love and self-confidence. I am happy that many people have found these useful. I myself am someone who had a lot of insecurities years back, and let’s say myself today versus myself only last summer are quite different people. So it really does mean a lot to me that in some ways I could empower people to stay true to themselves and be more confident.
The best way to grow confidence is to learn it by yourself. Develop your own mindset. However I do hope you can apply these tips to your lives somehow.
A lot of people say that I have this “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” attitude (lmao). Well I’d say you can never 100% not give a damn thing you know, because our behavior is affected by the people and the environment around us, more or less. But it’s true that the less you worry about others’ opinions, and the more you focus on yourself and your own happiness, the better life you’ll live.
Till next time,