Thought I’d go for a bit of a personal post today.
Pretty much everything on this blog is personal… 🙂
From time to time, I have received questions that are kind of like these:
Who is the person that inspired you to write [song X]?
Do you still like them?
The answer to the second question is probably “Nah.” or “I don’t know.“.
Today I’m going to talk about the I don’t know people.
In all honesty, I probably don’t have any feelings left for any of them.
But I like to write about them; our memories; small details on our dates that they probably didn’t even pay that much attention to; and sometimes, an ideal image that I attach to them.
I do call myself an artist. I create art contents: photos, videos, poems, etc.
Artists need inspiration. Every artist is inspired by different things. I only write about people who leave me impressed, whether that impression is a good or bad one. I don’t really write about some random hot waiter who served me Americano this morning – well, unless he’s the kind of stranger that gives me a second glance, and vice versa – that is when I can spontaneously let me imagination run wild and may even write about our honeymoon traveling the world together when we’re 75.
That’s what I mean by “an ideal image that I attach to them“.
I’m a bit weird, yeah.
There’s this guy I was seeing about 2-3 years ago. Dating him is arguably the most fun I ever had. We were 18, 19-year-old kids who were trying to look cool. We ruled Hanoi streets and nightlife. We were the “he-rides-a-motorcycle-she-drinks-straight-20-Vodka-shots” kind of couple…
Chilled, forward, open, hipster, rebellious, determined… He is all of that, my ideal type, or maybe was, I’m not sure how he is now, since we haven’t hung out like the old days for ages. But one thing for sure, that boy is still trying to look cool. Some things never change 🙂
At present, we’ve both changed so much since the last time we partied together. We don’t really talk anymore. Sometimes he would comment on my Facebook photos with stupid stuff that I find very much irritating.
He probably liked me more than I ever liked him. I never wrote about him at the time. I’m often inspired when I’m sad. Yet I was happy with him.
It was not until recently that I wrote the first song about this guy, because I missed the good times. At the age of 18, all I wanted was to have fun, he was my companion. I don’t want to hide the fact that 3 years after, a huge part of me still wants to live in free spirits. Therefore I recalled those moments to write a song for him, for us. A song full of nostalgia, of our memories, small details on our dates that he probably didn’t even pay attention to that much; and perhaps an ideal image that I attached to him, and to our relationship too.
Noting that some of the things I write can come from my idealized versions of people in real life, there’s this grey area between my feelings for them as who they are, and for them as how I view them. If I tell you that the guy I mentioned here is my ideal image for a perfect boyfriend, but is he really? Or is it the guy that I picture as perfect for me?
I know I’m an idealist, a perfectionist, a romanticist (sometimes), and again, I’m kinda weird.
But I guess it’s the same to everyone. It’s all about the perspective.
There are also occasions where although my feels for a person are gone, I still write songs about them because I keep holding on to my own feelings I once had and the pleasure they bring me.
“Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?”
Justin Bieber – “The Feeling” (ft. Halsey) (2015)
If only I knew.
Till next time,
Featured image from WeHeartIt.