To the people who called me “loser” in middle school…

Back then, I listened to every word you said about me and believed that I was a loser.

2 years ago, I looked back at those times, had a “good” laugh about it then thought about how childish we all were.

Now, I’m looking back at those times and have realized that calling someone a loser for a long period of time is not simply childish, but a form of bullying.

I remember being an outsider because I moved to your class in the sophomore year, when all of you have already got your own squads.  I was never good at Math and much better at English, yet that couldn’t remove the “loser” label off me.  I was constantly body-shamed and made fun of for my appearance, i.e. a “geeky-looking”, skinny 13-year-old with no boobs.  I was played by one of your squad members and somehow believed he liked me when he actually didn’t but lied to me only to make fun of me with his friends.  I was placed 2nd in the “top 10 girls in class that the boys want to stay away”.  I was never appreciated although I was always trying to be accepted.

That only stopped when I went to high school, changed to a different environment, made new friends and had some of the best years of my life.

In high school, I improved so much in Math and it became one of my favorite subjects thanks to my Math/home teacher.  English was still my best subject, and that played a huge part in how I got this amazing opportunity to study in the UK.  My classmates treated me nicely and I felt much less insecure about my looks (my best friends would sometimes tease me about my flat chest but I knew they were not being mean, plus, I learned that being flat-chested means you’d look classy in anything).  I got my first relationship where I felt loved and cherished for who I really am.

Now I’m in my second year at university, doing an awesome degree in Media, having gained my own achievements and aspiring to inspire everyday.  I no longer try to please others to be considered a member of their “cool squad”.  Most importantly, I know for sure I am NOT a loser.

Then suddenly I recollected my middle school years with you.  For a long time, I thought we just “didn’t get along”; and it took me good 6 years to figure out that I was a victim of bully.

I want you, those who regarded me a loser in middle school, to know that, bullying, e.g. body-shaming somebody, playing with their feelings, calling your whole squad to make fun of one person, is unacceptable and shows lack of education.  Childishness/”oh we were all young” do not justify bullying (in fact, nothing does).  Anyone, especially kids from an early age, should be aware of the pressing issues with bullying and how to prevent bullying in any environments, including schools, where young victims can be adversely affected, which may lead to negative outcomes such as mental illnesses and possibly suicides.

I’m lucky that I didn’t end up in any of the situations above, and that I was able to remove the “loser” tag I gave myself because I didn’t believe in my abilities but your judgments.  I found and started to love myself.

I’m not going to curse you or boast about all of the things I’ve done which “possibly make me better than you”.

As time goes by, people change, I’m glad to see the positive changes in me.  You probably have seen them too.  Some things don’t change, however, like the fact that I’m still that “flat-chested chick”, but now perfectly happy with her body and won’t stop embracing it.

I’m not going to thank you either (this is not the happy ending where the main character goes: ‘My haters are my motivation to fight for myself and become a better person, so this Nobel prize goes to them blah blah blah…‘) because surely I didn’t change for you, or anyone else, but myself.  Never once in my life have I thought about revenging you with my goals and gains.  The only person I’m trying to beat in life, is yesterday’s me (and whoever stays up all night in front of the shopping mall before Black Friday).

So there you go.  My middle school classmates (some of you), if you come across this blog and have read this post up to this point, I do hope you’re trying to reach your life goals, that you turned out to be kind, smart and sympathetic, and that your hearts are as big as your abs and muscles.

Much love,

ᴊᴜʟɪᴇʏᴛʜᴇ1sᴛ

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